


All is Fair with Blood and Petals

by EarthMom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Drama & Romance, Flowers, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Mild Language, Multi, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Sad Shiro (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Sorry Not Sorry, Tragic Romance, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2019-08-28 22:49:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthMom/pseuds/EarthMom
Summary: If you knew the guy, you’d know that Takashi Shirogane, former head of Voltron and current Captain of the Atlas, was not used to the feeling of being totally and utterly fucked. He normally knew how to stay alive no matter what and keep his head up. He had a team to lead and a life to live after all. But of course, with an attitude like that life wasn’t going to let him catch a break.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time publishing fanfic but I've written quite a few. Just a heads up, I used the term "blue paladin" for Lance and "red paladin" for Keith. This is set in the Atlas, after they go back into space which I'm assuming will happen in season 8. Also yes I mentioned Adam briefly cuz he's important. Also, Keith is hard for me to write so I'm sorry if it seems there isn't a lot of him. I am trying.

 If you knew the guy, you’d know that Takashi Shirogane, former head of Voltron and current Captain of the Atlas, was not used to the feeling of being totally and utterly fucked. He normally knew how to stay alive no matter what and keep his head up. He had a team to lead and a life to live after all. But of course, with an attitude like that life wasn’t going to let him catch a break.

So that’s where he finds himself at the moment. Slouched against the wall in the showers connected to the training deck at what could only be considered the Atlas’ 3 am. Shiro was utterly surprised his coughing fit didn’t wake at least one of the others. Especially Lance, who had realized Shiro only takes showers at night and took it upon himself to stay awake until he heard Shiro walk by his door to his room.

The way he found out always had Shiro laughing. Shiro didn’t like the other paladins seeing him naked, too many scars he didn’t want to feel obligated to explain, and would’ve yelled if any of the others so carelessly, deliberately walked in on him. But Lance was special. Lance gave zero shits what Shiro thought in that moment. Lance saw him and started screeching. He swore Shiro had been in there 45 minutes longer than usual. He said he was so worried that he couldn’t not come check on him. That’s when he found out the blue paladin would stay up until he heard Shiro’s footsteps go by. That’s the moment Shiro realized he truly loved the ever so idiotic, beautiful, charming blue paladin.

Shiro might have taken Lance’s gesture the wrong way. Maybe let himself believe the blue paladin liked him too but he knew Lance. This was the Lance who dragged Pidge to bed kicking and screaming at what was considered midnight after making sure they’d eaten. Lance was the first to try Hunk’s food to see how close it tasted to the Earth counterpart Hunk was so desperately trying to recreate. Even if he hated the food back on Earth Lance would still try it because according to him “Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t know what it tastes like.” He would make sure Keith had enough water pouches when the Red paladin was feeling angry enough to train all day. Shiro wondered if Keith ever knew where those water pouches showed up from. Those actions made up the Lance he was so desperately in love with but also proved to Shiro that their nighttime secret was just Lance being Lance.

Shiro would be lying if he said he hasn’t always found Lance physically attractive. Blue doe eyes searching his grey mist ones for the needed approval.  Lance looked at him like a desperate child that couldn’t survive without his praise and attention. He admits that there were times when he would go weeks on end without complimenting or sometimes even holding a proper conversation with Lance just to see the desperation grow in those ocean eyes.

Oh, those eyes.

 He tried to stop the pity laugh that tumbled out of his mouth as he looked at the petal he had coughed up moments ago.

 _Petals._ He corrected himself. He had a handful of large red petals and small blue petals. They were speckled with blood but he knew from here on in it’d only get worse.

If he hadn’t known what was going on or even who caused this he might, _might_ , have asked Coran to look into it. But no, he knew exactly what this was and exactly who had caused it.

Standing up he is harshly reminded of the fact the shower is running by the water sharply becoming cold. With all this technology, or magic as _his_ Lance would call it, you’d think this problem would be nonexistent in the Atlas.

Since at the moment it is the night cycle and everyone else is asleep he had time to try to come up with a plan to fix this. He headed to the observation deck, making a point to pass Lance’s room on the way so the paladin wouldn’t panic if he tried to check on Shiro in the showers and he wasn’t there.

Having already developed Hanahaki falling out of love with the blue and/or red paladin was not an option. Shiro would also like you to note that yes, he did love Adam. However, Adam dumped him before he went to space in the first place and if he’s being honest their relationship had been on a downward slope since he was diagnosed with…well you know what he means. So, no falling in love with Lance and Keith hadn’t been part of his plans but he wasn’t really feeling too guilty either. Especially since he was never going to act on it because seeing how Keith and Lance ogle each other when they think the other isn’t looking tells him that telling them about his predicament is also out of the picture. Not to mention Keith’s famous “You’re like a brother to me” which he’s sure would have been more heartbreaking if he wasn’t busy shoving his emotions in a bag and setting them on fire.

The surgery…was an option…except it WASN’T! How is he supposed to lead Voltron when he doesn’t remember 2 of the paladins and could likely become an emotionless monster. Shiro could honestly say this is the worst thing that could have happened…but he doesn’t regret it. Not one bit. How could he? In some way Shiro was prideful. He could find no way to fix this and besides, if he had to die (again) he always had hoped it would be for the team. So that’s what he settled on. Dying for the 2 people who meant more to him than anything in this universe or any other universe for that matter.

He shivered because that thought reminded him of Slav. Beta Traz had been the most annoying mission they had to go on because of the many armed alien but also was the first time Shiro can actually remember being attracted to Lance.

He remembers thinking that something had been off with their blue paladin before the mission and even more so during it. He tried his best to keep the mission short and smooth so that Lance wouldn’t have to be in the high stress situation for long. Maybe after the mission Lance would confide in Hunk or Pidge and if he didn’t seem back to normal by the next day Shiro would take it upon himself to check on Lance.

However, it was Lance’s expertise that allowed them to escape unscathed. Shiro remembers the surprise in Lance’s eyes that he actually succeeded in getting Slav out. He felt a flower bloom in his chest, pun intended, when he saw Lance’s eyes, that could only be compared to the way the ocean reflected the stars. Lance’s bright blue eyes looking directly into his soul and before Shiro could process anything, even before the “oh no he’s hot” rang through his thoughts he found himself speaking directly to those beautiful eyes.

_“That’s why we bring our sharpshooter!”_

The look of utter relief that took over Lance’s entire body was astounding to Shiro. Lance looked like everything he would ever want and need was handed to him on a platter.  And he knows it’s selfish but Shiro wanted to believe that in that moment Lance needed him. He wanted to believe that in many moments Lance needed him. Needed his approval, needed his attention. Lance also made the fantasy so much more lifelike because in a leader/friend way Lance did act like that. Lance needed encouragement.

Keith needed encouragement too but it was so vastly different from Lance’s type of encouragement that Shiro often found himself questioning if he did enough for the Red paladin.

Shiro is aware that he owes his life to Keith, as the red paladin has saved him on numerous occasions. He remembers the conflict of both wanting to kiss Keith and runaway ashamed of how easily captured he always is when Keith responded with “As many times as it takes.”

He wishes he had more of a spiel when it came to his feelings for the red paladin but in all honesty his feelings for Keith, much like the red paladin himself, are complicated. In many ways Keith was like the little brother he never asked for but was grateful he got. That of course means if wanting to make out with your little brother was normal. Uggghhhhh….

Shiro didn’t always like Keith. Obviously when he was younger, he was more focused on taking care of him and showing him his potential as a pilot. Let’s just say space really decided to screw him over and make him see Keith in a new light.

Keith, much like Lance, would do anything Shiro said. However, unlike Lance who would do it in an almost desperate way Keith would do it in a cocky way. Keith could be a brat if he’s being honest and Lance, well Lance was an angel. They really fit well together…

The coughing fit lasted about a minute and a half and there was still a minimum number of petals. The door opening and voice coming from behind him scared the crap out of him though.

“Shiro? Are you alright?”

Shiro turned around effectively hiding the petals in his pocket and rubbing the blood on his pants. The sight he was met with was probably the top on his cutest things he’s seen list, which he will admit to having because that’s what is important in space ya know.

In the doorway, preventing the door from using its automatic close function, was a very disheveled Lance. He was in his robe, pajamas, and lion slippers. He had his blanket wrapped around his small shoulders and his usually well-done hair was a floof of messiness on his head. Shiro wished he could take a picture but gulped his feelings down to speak. He knows in awhile it’ll be impossible to look at Lance so might as well have some conversations now.

“I’m alright. What brings you here Lance?” he pulled the best fake smile he could which seemed to only slightly work as Lance eyed him for a moment and said nothing.

“I didn’t hear the door to your room open and I got a little worried…” Lance finally said averting his eyes. If it wasn’t for the dark Shiro would’ve sworn a small blush adorned the blue paladin’s cheeks. He smiled softly at the thought but was brought back to reality by Lance speaking again.

“So, I just thought where would I go in the middle of the night if I couldn’t sleep so I headed this way and then I heard you coughing. By the way, are you feeling alright? Are you coming down with the space flu? I wonder if Coran still has the medicine from when Pidge had the sniffles…”

“I’m seriously alright Lance. Just a tickle in my throat, nothing to be alarmed about.”

Lance looked thoroughly unconvinced but stayed quiet. He made his way to sit next to Shiro who was looking out at the stars. He wraps the blanket around Shiro’s shoulder so they both are under it. The proximity made Shiro blush and the following 3 minutes of silence was suffocating. Shiro would have spoken if not for the knowledge that opening his mouth would only mean petals falling out instead of words.

Luckily for him Lance seemed even less keen on the silence as he broke it.

“You know my abuela, every time I couldn’t sleep or had nightmares would do some sort of weird ritual in my room with incense and tell the evil spirts to leave my room.” Lance’s tired chuckle was doing wonders for Shiro.

They sat there for a good half hour with Lance telling stories of his family. Stealing his older sister Veronica’s makeup, how his brother Luis would make fun of him because unlike him who was on the soccer team and Marco on the basketball team, Lance’s choice of sport was dance. Not even his sisters did dance. Veronica was the captain of the softball team and Rachel did female wrestling. He laughed as he said he was the daintiest of the McLain’s.

Shiro found himself laughing particularly loud with Lance as he told an embarrassing story from his childhood about how one day he was baking with Marco, a fact Shiro didn’t know but Lance loved to bake.

“So, I’m like 11 so my parents obviously weren’t trusting me to bake on my own, not that I didn’t but I was caught red handed so Marco was sent to help me and supervise me. So, I’m baking my pie and I decided it is time to make the whipped cream. Now I don’t if you are aware but Vanilla is the most heavenly scent on Earth ok? It is my ritual whenever I bake with Vanilla extract that I take a moment to just appreciate the smell, ya following?”

Shiro nods, chuckling slightly at Lances obviously exaggerated tone. He was happy as this conversation was telling him a lot more useless facts about Lance that he isn’t going to write down in a journal later. Nope. Totally not the plan.

“Alright, I’m doing my ritual thoroughly appreciating that vanilla goodness when Marco speaks up. He says to me ‘Lance you love Vanilla extract so much, you put it in EVERYTHING, but have you ever tried it on its own?’ And of course, I’m like ‘OH MY GOD MARCO YOU’RE RIGHT WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT’ and I do the dumbest thing in history”

At this point Shiro is dying and not from the flowers but from pure laughter. He didn’t care it was like 4 am and everyone else was asleep. He couldn’t help himself, okay?

“You’re laughing but I took like 3 whole swigs before it really hit me. I chugged it like it was a beer and I was MY DAD! It was disgusting Shiro! Stop laughing I threw up everything I ate that day about an hour later! And I had to explain to Veronica why I was feeling so sick and she just laughed as I threw up”

Lance didn’t really mind Shiro laughing. Actually, he can’t really think of a time he’s seen Shiro laugh this hard. Lance joined in the laughter which only seemed to make Shiro laugh louder. Shiro deserved to laugh, it fit him really well.

Of course, this moment couldn’t last forever. The loud stomps and door opening didn’t really startle them but the screaming did.

Keith had had enough. He could recognize Lance’s laugh anywhere. Why was it 4 am and he was being awoken by laughing fits? He stomped down the hall, blanket in tow, in only a t-shirt and boxers to give whoever dared awaken him a piece of his mind.

The laughter didn’t die down as thunder stomps came down the hall. The two paladins on the observation deck startled as the door opened and they heard a very gruffy, angry red paladin voice.

“WHAT THE HELL YOU TWO IT IS 4:30 AM CAN YOU PLEASE GO SLEEP MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO WAKE THE ENTIRE ATLAS YOU FUCKING JERKS! LANCE DO YOU EVER SLEEP AND-”

Keith didn’t know who he was expecting to see with Lance. Maybe Hunk or Pidge, Coran even but what he laid eyes on shocked him. There, under the same blanket, in super close proximity, shoulder to shoulder, had spent the past who knows how long bonding and laughing were Lance and Shiro. The worst part of this is that he didn’t know who to be jealous of. Should he be jealous of Shiro, whom Lance shared a blanket with and obviously trusted him with some funny or embarrassing stories or should he be jealous of Lance who made Shiro laugh harder than he’s seen the man laugh even before Kerberos?

Shiro caught on quick to the complete demeanor change of the red paladin. From fiery anger to kicked puppy in a solid 5 seconds. Shiro realized Keith liked Lance and to see him with Shiro in this position may have been a little startling, even give him the wrong idea maybe.

Lance also was connecting the dots but he was now a little angry. Keith had come in here made of nothing but fury at Lance so why does Keith seem so sad now? He’s allowed to hang out with Shiro if he wants. Lance wouldn’t admit it openly because he obviously loves all his friends equally but he really liked bonding with Shiro the best. Bonding time with Shiro was like a blessing because as Captain of the Atlas he was a busy guy. Usually Shiro had to _make_ time to hang out which meant you were a priority to him in some way. And okay fineee he was also super smokin’ hot and somehow adorable at the same time. So, screw the equally adorable and gorgeous Keith for thinking he could come here and ruin his night.

 

It happened the next day during training.

Keith and Shiro had been training together for what seemed like hours. The smaller of the two blowing off some steam from whatever made him mad recently. Shiro was trying to ignore the fact that it was probably last night and just relish that Keith still asked to train with him.

After training for another hour, they were exhausted. Both men sprawled out on the floor, heaving and laughing.

“I beat you this round, old man, as promised.” Keith’s smirk could be heard in his voice.

“Who are you calling old?” Shiro retorted, not actually upset.

“Well you have the grey now to prove it!” Keith stood up turned and stuck his tongue out at Shiro childishly.

Shiro had only meant to lightly tap the boy with his now Altean(?) arm. As his arm swung though the boy lost balance and landed right on top of Shiro. This caused the grey-haired man’s chest to become tight for a multitude of reasons.

Of course, that’s how Lance had to find them. Keith on top of Shiro. Shiro holding his hips. Both blushing madly.

Lance’s eyes widened as he entered the training room. Shiro could swear he saw a flash of hurt in them before the Cuban boy shook his head and smiled a smile so fake it hurt to look at.

“Looks like Keith won this round, good job pal!” He winked and finger gunned in their direction. “Don’t let me interrupt I just forgot my face stuff in the showers so I’m gonna go grab them.” Lance scurried off into the showers and then out of the room before they could even blink.

-Time Skip-

It’s been 2 weeks since the 4 am and training incidents. Shiro has been making himself scarce. Lance has noticed how their former leader had been excusing himself from even the most important meetings. Not to mention the coughing fits that he could hear from all the way down the hall and how Shiro looks like he’s slowly disintegrating in front of them. Lance knew he couldn’t just stand by and watch but what could he do? He’s tangoed with the idea of talking to Keith about it. Surely if something was bothering Shiro, Keith would know what. The only problem is Keith has been even more closed off and awkward around Lance since he came through the door on that night he shared with Shiro.

Normally Lance would roll his eyes at Keith’s antics because he doesn’t need to talk to the red paladin anyways! But this was about Shiro, Shiro was more important than any animosity he held towards Keith at the moment and definitely more important than what mullet was upset about.

 

Lance caved and decided to go search for Keith. Thinking he may find the red paladin in the training deck, but had no such luck. Next, he checked mullethead’s room, nope. Lance all but gave up as he entered the kitchen hoping to find Hunk and some mediocre space goo dish. What he found kind of surprised him. There, standing in front of the sink was Keith. He looked oddly peaceful, hair in a tiny ponytail, not sporting his normal bomber jacket and no scowl in sight. Of course, that didn’t last, as soon as Lance made his presence known the scowl that he kind of missed(?) came back.

“Uhh…hey Keith”

“What do you want Lance?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“No, can’t you see I’m busy?”

Lance did not need the attitude, on top of their former leader being undeniably sick, the Galra have been coming at them non-stop for a week, he’s had 3 sit-down-talks with Allura about him improving as a paladin and he may have eaten something that contained Nunville last night because he cried himself to sleep and woke up with a massive headache. So, all in all Lance was in a very vulnerable mood so if Keith would just let him talk that’d be much appreciated.

“Please? It’s important…” if Keith noticed his voice waver he said nothing and it certainly didn’t change his tone.

“Why don’t you go talk to Shiro about it, huh?”

The spite in Keith’s voice and honestly the whole sentence confused Lance. Keith sounded like a jealous girlfriend but he was neither Lance’s boyfriend nor girlfriend. Then it dawned on Lance. Maybe Keith is Shiro’s girlfriend…it would make a lot of sense. Shiro always had chosen favorites and it was always Keith. Lance couldn’t complain though. Before getting too distracted from his mission he speaks again.

“It’s actually about Shiro…have you noticed he’s not looking too good lately…and the coughing…and the excuses…”

“Of course, it’s about Shiro! Because he hasn’t been sick for a whole week and a half and you are just now caring!” Keith raised his voice involuntarily.

“I care a lot actually, thank you very much! I’ve been observing and considering when it is appropriate to intervene. What have you been doing oh so wonderful and caring leader? I bet you haven’t even noticed something is off with our former leader because you’re too busy avoiding me! I’ll take my concerns to someone else who actually cares about Shiro’s wellbeing you stupid je-”

“WHAT ABOUT ME??” Keith was shocked as the avalanche of words fell out of his mouth. He was frozen. He couldn’t take them back and the confused look on Lance’s face didn’t help. He hadn’t realized he could be this jealous but did he even have any right to be when he was so desperately in love with 2 people.

Oh, mullethead had done it now, Lance thought to himself. He wasn’t sure what Keith had thought he was implying but Lance had had enough of his attitude. He, ironically, saw red as he snapped.

“YEAH KEITH WHAT ABOUT YOU? You have been deliberately avoiding me for the last week! I’m soooo sorry that I somehow offended you to the point you cannngh”

Shiro had heard the bickering turned yelling from the bridge. Sighing, he turned to the door knowing if he didn’t stop his two wonderful idiots no one would. He stalked down the hallway, a man on a mission. It got louder as he got closer until he turned the corner and that’s when he heard it, Lance getting cut off. That’s when he saw it.

Keith had Lance pushed against the counters. Lips undeniably touching. All of Lance’s resolve melting in a way Shiro could never have imagined and a fierce determination he had never seen on Keith before.

The only sound he heard was his heart breaking and the only thing he could register was the impending need to cough as he turned around and fled the scene.

Once out of that hallway he ran until he couldn’t run anymore. Collapsing on the floor, right in front of the bathroom, coughing up whole desert bluebell bushes and red wild lily stems all in a pool of blood. The green paladin saying his name didn’t even phase him as the world spun. He couldn’t process what he saw and he hated how sad it made him feel. More and more flowers clawed their way up his throat and into the pile.

_How long have they been together?_

_Why didn’t they trust him enough to tell him?_

_Does anyone else know?_

_Did…did he ever have a chance?_

“Shiro? Shiro what the hell?” sounded from behind him. Recognizing the voice belongs to their youngest paladin he was almost heartbroken twice. Shiro didn’t want anyone to see him like this but especially not the green paladin who has already seen too much for a 17-year-old kid.

“Language…” he managed to wheeze out as the world finally landed again.

Pidge snorted at him but it was followed with a look of concern as they ran to his side. When they got closer they saw the pile of flowers and knew exactly what was wrong.

“What the…. Shiro who caused this? Why haven’t you told us?”

“I’m fine Pidge it’s nothing to worry about I’ve got it all under control” Shiro obviously didn’t sound convincing while he stood up and wiped the blood from his lips.

“Yeah sureeeee, from the looks of it you’ve had it awhile so let me ask again. Who caused this and why haven’t you told us?”

Shiro looked at the pile of flowers on the ground, the blood slowly seeping into and staining the petals.

“You know what Shiro, I’m telling the team right now and you are getting the surgery. I’m not about to sit back while you plan some suicide bullshit!”

“Pidge please don’t…” Shiro has never been more panicked. Too panicked to even correct their language. He didn’t need this. Not now. Not after Keith and Lance finally found each other. Not when he’s already accepted his fate. Pidge seemed to sense how off their former leader was about this and sighed.

“You…you’re such an idiot!” Pidge’s eyes softened with tears and Shiro swore to himself he belonged in hell after making them cry but couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“Fine…I won’t say anything but on one condition! You have to let me monitor you…maybe we can find a way to fix this without the surgery and without the whole love thing.”

“Thanks Pidge, I…I really owe you one.”

“Yeah, let’s just hope you live to pay me back.” They released a chuckle that didn’t reach their eyes. “Just checking…you sure you can’t just…tell whoever it is that you love them. I mean you’re the best person I know so they’d be dumb not to like you too.”

“Sorry Pidgey,” he ruffled their hair “it’s just not that simple. We’re used to that though, right?” it was his turn to emptily chuckle. Pidgey was a nickname Lance started using and we all just eventually picked it up too.

Let’s just say, no matter what Pidge did over the next 4 days. Nothing worked and it was frustrating.

As for Keith and Lance. Well, everyone knew a day later they were together. Shiro was sure Lance would be the one who wasn’t subtle but most PDA interactions they had around the Atlas Keith had started.

Keith would refuse to sit in the common area unless he could sit on Lance or quite literally force Lance to sit on him. That boy would drag Lance from halfway across the universe if he felt it was time for cuddles. Keith had also become softer with Lance. Shiro knew Lance had an incredibly sensitive heart and he was nothing but proud of Keith for finding a balance with the red paladin’s quite apparent…insensitivity.

Of course, with the trademark couple being extra lovey, Shiro only spiraled farther. Missing all important meetings including meals much to Hunk’s dismay. The man never left his room, leaving Coran, Sam and Allura to pilot the Atlas. Little did he know his absence was being felt more so by two certain paladins.

“No! NOPE! NOT HAPPENING! I’m done waiting! I’m barging into his room, I’m grabbing him by the shoulders! I’m kissing him! Then I’m going to proceed to yell until he tells me what’s wrong! It’s a fool proof plan. Nothing can stop me! He’s going to HEAR it because I’ve had enough. I have not waited all this time for me not to be able to tell him I lo-”

 “LANCE, we are just going to have to wait for him to get better before we spring the whole “yeah, I fuck Lance but would you please fuck me while I fuck Lance” onto him!” Keith sighed exasperatedly from his bed while his blue-eyed boyfriend paced the room.

“No Keith, maybe it’s not the time to spring that on him but I’m done with him not telling us what’s wrong! We are a team, he should trust us by now but he scuttles off the second I breathe in his direction!”

“He isn’t talking much to any of us, that is true, but you know Shiro. He’s got this whole pride thing that goes on in his head. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll give us a chance to say much of anything. I trust him to tell us if he needs something and you should too.”

“But…but what if there isn’t any other chance to tell him…people who are sick and don’t need help don’t usually get worse…they are supposed to get better.” Lance’s tears were real.  Dripping down his cheeks like diamonds breaking free from the earth.

Keith liked to think he knew a lot about Lance, as he has observed the blue paladin since before they embarked on a journey into an intergalactic space war but alas he knew only so much about one of the men he was so incredibly infatuated with. While on Earth Lance’s older sister Veronica had told him a story about one of Lance’s close friends. Without going much into detail, she had said that his friend had gotten incredibly ill but would wave it off, until one day she couldn’t anymore and she died. Keith could only imagine Lance was involuntarily drawing parallels.

Keith sighed. He knew literally anyone would be better at comforting his boyfriend in this moment than him. “Listen, Lance…I know this is hard,” Keith put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “How about think of it like this…Shiro has beaten death before. Nothing can kill him because we won’t let him die, alright?”

Lance sighed. He was too tired to fight anymore and maybe Keith was right. Shiro usually agreed more with Keith anyways. Keith had sat on the bed and Lance sighed once more in a very dramatic tone and slumped against Keith. Keith proceeded to pull the lanky boy onto his lap and pet the blue-eyed boy’s hair. Lance looked up to his surprisingly tender boyfriend and smiled.

They shared a kiss that was short and sweet. The action proved to Keith that Lance wasn’t really emotionally all there seeing how Lance did nothing short and nothing sweet.

Shiro was on his way to steal some food goo. He was exhausted and he couldn’t breathe without his wheezes echoing down the hall. His steps were so slow and he had to hold the wall as he walked. The hallways seemed to spin around him and the further he walked the longer it seemed he’d have to tread on.

He was almost there. Almost to the kitchen where he was sure Hunk was trying to make food goo taste good. Maybe Lance was with him referencing inside jokes from when they were roomies at the Garrison. Keith might be there too, trying to hide his half smile at their antics. Pidge could be sitting at the corner of the table working on whatever gadget held their attention. Maybe Allura was sitting next to Pidge trying to understand literally anything that was happening, whether it was the Garrison buddies jokes or Pidge’s tech. Coran was probably there too, watching Hunk make his meal or handing Pidge tools for their gadget.

He could make it, he swore he could. He could make it to his family. His messed-up space family, that needed a Captain to help lead their new leader. He chuckles at how confusing the dynamic was. He was almost there. He had to be, yet, every step become harder and his legs started to feel like lead. There is no way he’s breathing enough but he doesn’t have the energy to be able to register if he’s coughing or not. The wall is his best friend as he tried to hold onto the surface for dear life.

When did he hit the ground?

When did his team get here?

What were they saying?

“Shi..can you he…me?”

“Shiro…happened? Why…are you…floor?”

Wet. Shiro registered a wetness on his cheeks. His eyes were so out of focus but he could tell the tears were coming from the man above him. Keith?

He couldn’t take it. One of the men he loved sobbing. Keith was indeed, full on sobbing. Keith in all honesty was an ugly crier but looking into those messy, leaking, deep, purple eyes set off something in Shiro he couldn’t hold back. His body jolted as full grown red wild lilies and bushels of desert bluebells fell from his lips. Blood pooling around them. He was hunched over, a massive mess in front of him of stems, flowers, petals, leaves, and blood that wouldn’t stop flowing. Slowly spreading, seeping into the ground almost. He didn’t stop. He couldn’t.

Lance was frozen. He locked eyes with Pidge. Tears streaming down both their faces. How dare this happen! How dare this happen…again. Not again. Suddenly he was back in time. Back with her.

_“Liliana! Liliana! Did you get your letter yet?”_

_“Yeah, I’m too nervous to open it though…” she giggled a bit. Her long brown hair danced over her shoulders. She always had some of it pulled back out of her eyes. Her eyes were bright and brown, her nose was dotted with freckles. She spoke with an accent that was much heavier than his. They had been friends since diapers, even though Liliana was a year older than him._

_Lance would follow Lily anywhere and that included the Galaxy Garrison. He’d be lying if he said she was the only reason he applied but she made up 60% of it. The other 40% was his love for the sky and maybe a slight idolization of the star pupil of the Garrison._

_“I’ll open yours and you can open mine, ok?” Lance smiled wide ripping the letter out of her hands while simultaneously shoving his into hers._

_“Ok. 1,2,3!”_

_“ACCEPTED!!” they both screamed at the same time._

_They embraced and jumped up and down and kissed each other’s cheeks a multitude of times. Lance was used to his friends being overly physical. Liliana and him would have cuddle sessions and when they got excited enough, they’d actually kiss. It has happened a few times. Those times were surrounded by getting BTS tickets, having actually won the dance competition that year, and stuff like that. Liliana was the one who would talk him out of suicide, she was the only one who knew where those scars on his legs were REALLY from. She was literally an angel. He loved her in the most platonic way possible and knew that she deserved better than anyone could possibly give her._

_The first week at the Garrison had been hectic. He met another best friend, only second to Lily of course, who also happened to be his roommate Hunk. Liliana was a year ahead of them. She was also a pilot. They’d eat lunch together. Sometimes Pidge would join them for lunch. And that was that._

_It wasn’t hard to tell. The way her notebook filled with “P x L’s” and her writings all became sappy. Liliana was infatuated with the tech geek, Lance found it kind of endearing but was put off by the fact Pidge didn’t seem to notice Liliana’s obvious attempts to get their attention._

_At first it was fine. Lance had decided if Pidge didn’t see how wonderful Lily was then it was their loss. But as time went on and Pidge sitting with them became less and less Liliana looked like she was fading. Her once sun kissed skin was grey and her almost chubby cheeks hollow. She didn’t smile and her eyes refused to shine like they used to. She was once a chatterbox but now her voice was so faint and she hardly used it at all. She started excusing herself, leaving earlier and earlier from their table._

_Lance remembers vividly the last lunch all 4 of them had together. Liliana sat across from Pidge, chin in her hands leaning as close as possible across the table listening intently to every word Pidge had to say. He swore he saw a slight blush cross the Pidgeon’s cheeks as Lily leaned in a little closer to hear them better over the noise of the cafeteria. The blush was gone as soon as it came though, Lance questioned if it was ever really there in the first place._

_Then he saw it. The way Liliana’s face lit up at something Pidge said, she glowed once again for the rest of lunch. Lance was certain Pidge was glowing too, in their own way. They looked like they fit together. Pidge’s shy smiles and Liliana’s boundless excitement listening to whatever Pidgeon had to say. It was like a scene out of a movie. However, lunch ended too soon._

_It was 3 days later, he hadn’t seen Pidge outside of class and hadn’t seen Lily at all. He had had enough and snuck into her dormitory, banged on her door until she opened it and what met his eyes shocked him._

_The room was full of flower petals and bloodstains. There were bloody handprints on the walls and the scattered flowers looked eerie. Her light wasn’t on so all the room had to illuminate it was the moonlight. It looked like a scene from a horror movie._

_He couldn’t breathe and he had no idea what was happening. She walked away and sat on the floor just staring at the wall. It hurt him to think this is most likely how she spent the last 3 days. She looked like a doll, so fragile she could shatter any minute._

_“Liliana…what’s all this?”_

_Her voice shook, barely audible. “Ha-have you ever heard of Hanahaki, Lance?”_

_He shook his head softly, not trusting his voice._

_“Hanahaki is when you love someone soooo much that flowers that resemble them grow in your lungs.” Her voice was wavering and if it hadn’t been her in this situation, surrounded by blood, it would have sounded like an almost cute concept to him. “You can only remove the flowers by getting them to say they love you back. They have to really, truly mean it. There is a surgery but there is a chance you forget how to love when they remove the flowers. If you don’t get rid of them you slowly suffocate on the flowers.”_

_Lance took a moment to process then rage filled him. “Then why don’t you get the person to say it. This is about Pidge, right? It’s obvious they like you. Like super fucking obvious! ¿Estás loco? You don’t have much time, mi sirenita!”_

_“AM I CRAZY? ¿Estás loco? To me? Of course, I talked to them. I spoke to them after lunch three days ago. I confessed to mi alma and do you know what Pidge said. They rejected me. Flat out. No emotion. Told me they didn’t have time for a relationship and wasn’t sure they even were interested in me.”_

_“WELL DID YOU TELL THEM YOU WERE DYING BECAUSE OF THEM CUZ I FEEL LIKE YOU MAY HAVE PRUPOSEFULLY LEFT THAT PART OUT!”_

_“Qué chula. Of course, I didn’t say anything. If they had only said it because of my Hanahaki it wouldn’t have gone away anyways. I can’t blame them either. They said they had no time to or interest in being in a relationship with me. I just wish I knew why...this is ridiculo-”_

_“Well it could have to do with age. You are quite a bit older than Pidge.” Lance pondered for a moment, finally down from his rage high._

_“Well the deities be damned because they don’t seem to care. You wanna know more about this whole story and the irony. I’m coughing up white lilies. WHITE LILIES ARE THE FLOWER PIDGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE REPRESENTED BY! There’s an old folktale about Hanahaki that says if you are named after a flower and you develop hanahaki with the flower you’re named after it’s supposed to be true love. It means you fell in love with your soulmate. How is it possible for my soulmate not to love me back? HOW? THIS MAKES NO SENSE? IT’S NOT FAIR! …..it’s not fair.” She broke. What was once small hiccups was now loud, ugly sobs._

_She was hunched over sobbing. She sobbed for five minutes straight only to stop to cough up more, whole, lilies shrouded in blood. All Lance could do was watch. After another few minutes of sobbing and coughing she looked right into his soul. Her once shimmery brown eyes dead._

_“Leave.”_

_He felt chills and if he had known then what he knew now he wouldn’t have. She died the next day. She had written a small note saying to bury her with the white lilies and that Lance had first dibs on all her stuff._

_Lance tried really hard to do the 2 specific things that Liliana had said in her letter to him. One, be nice to Pidge. It wasn’t their fault. Two, never let Pidge know what Hanahaki was and that that was the cause of her death. Simple enough, right?_

_Wrong. Pidge was heartbroken by Liliana’s death and let’s just say Lance was not okay with that knowing that Pidge quite literally killed his best friend according to him. That lead to a falling out between them during their first 2 days in space, since Lance had been trying to avoid Pidge as much as possible before sneaking after them the night Shiro crash landed on Earth._

_Lance had stormed off after the argument. He had revealed EVERYTHING and had basically told Pidge that they weren’t allowed to be sad because they never saw her behind the closed doors. They didn’t see the blood-stained room or the lilies or hear her voice crack in ways that said she was suffering more than any of them could ever imagine._

_He’d been hiding in the observation deck, in a corner no one knew existed that he had spotted on the first day. He’s been here 2 times in the past two days. One for a panic attack after a long day of not forming Voltron and now for a panic attack about betraying his dead best friend’s last wishes of him._

_Pidge found him after a good 30 minutes of searching. They sighed and sat next to him. They sat in silence for a while._

_“I really did like her, ya know?”_

_Lance was about to rage but was cut off by Pidge talking more._

_“I thought she was adorable in every manner of the word. I just…I have to find my family. I thought harshly rejecting her would make her stop liking me and once I found my family, I could tell her how I really felt. I guess it was incredibly idiotic of me, especially after losing my family, to think I would be guaranteed the chance to make it right later.” Pidge had tears streaming down their face. Lance wanted to fight, wanted to blame Pidge for everything but looking at his teammate in such a state of distress allowed him to only sadly chuckle._

_“Yeah, that was pretty stupid.”_

_Pidge’s eyes widened. They both sat there lightly laughing at just how sad they were._

_After that things were ok between them. Pidge even started asking about Liliana was like. They’d had many conversations over the years about the girl and bonded over a mutual loss of her. Pidge even stating that they knew if Liliana was their soulmate that they’d never truly love again._

That thought brought Lance back to the present. He wasn’t sure if he believed those blue flowers were for him but deities be damned, he wouldn’t let Shiro die if they were.

He leaned and put his forehead against Shiro’s.

“Shiro come on you can’t leave me. I love you,” the Cuban boy said as tears flowed from the ocean in his eyes. He closed his eyes. Not moving from the older man’s forehead.

“I love you” he said it like a prayer. Repeating the words over and over again as if he didn’t say it one more time the universe would cease to exist.

And to him, it would. A universe without Shiro is a universe Lance refused to live in.

He looked at Keith. Keith who had no idea what was going on. Lance could barely register that he was begging his boyfriend to say it too. To say it before it was too late.

And so, Keith did. Keith joined Lance in his prayer of “I love you” to Shiro.

Although Shiro felt his chest lighten tremendously he still couldn’t breathe. That’s when Pidge pulled out their scanner.

“Good news! His Hanahaki is gone! Bad news. His lungs have sustained serious damage. Looking at a sloid week in the pods if we get him there in time.”

Coran was on high alert at the sound of that. “Come on then Paladins, no time to lose!”

Hunk and Keith carried Shiro, although Lance refused to let go of his lovers hand.

The halls seemed too long to Lance and he was freaking out until they got Shiro stuffed in the pod.

He crashed then. Shaking on the floor. Pidge and Hunk at his side before Keith could even think about comforting his boyfriend.

“What the hell is going on here?” Keith said after his shock subsided.

Allura nodded. “I too would like to know the story behind this.”

Lance sighed. He knew Pidge and him were the only 2 who could really explain it. Hunk had a small understanding but no where near as personal as they did.

So, Lance explained it. Lance and Pidge spent an hour talking about Hanahaki, then about Lily specifically. What they knew for facts and what they had only heard of and by the end Allura was crying and to say Keith was crying as well would be an understatement. Coran was sniffling while frequently checking what they assumed was Shiro’s vitals. Hunk and Pidge never left Lances side as he sat criss-cross between them.

After they all calmed down, Lance spoke up. It was barely a whisper.

“I want to see his room…”

Pidge’s eyes widened at their friend’s request.

“Are you sure you can handle that?” Hunk stole the words right out of the Pidgeon’s mouth.

Lance just faintly nodded. “Yeah. I need to see it. Do you think that’s ok?”

They all looked at each other. After the recount of Liliana’s room, they were all dreading finding out what Shiro’s room looked like.

Keith spoke up first, knowing that for Lance’s sanity he had to let the boy do this. No matter how upset it’d make him.

“Yeah. I think that’d be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my story! Have a wonderful day/night/3am hanahaki binge to make yourself sad!  
> I see you...I do the same thing.  
> *estas loco? = Are you crazy  
> *mi sirenita= my little mermaid  
> *mi alma = my soul  
> *Que chula= How cute  
> I'm sorry if this is wrong I don't speak Spanish but felt it important to include some.


	2. The Room Where It Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to cope...or how not to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi! Sorry this took so long. Holiday season = family drama, ya feel me? Also sorry if this chapter feels short, again I tried my best to write something good and my goal was to post it before s8 and like it's in 2 hours guys ahhhhhhhh. Also yes a Hamilton reference cuz I couldn't think of anything else  
> Edit: I redited this chapter cuz I was super unhappy with it

Lance stood outside Shiro’s door holding his breath. He knew he said he wanted to do this but it didn’t mean that he was ever going to be ready. It was the next morning. Keith had insisted they get some rest before they looked in the room. Lance was too exhausted to fight. He would have been endeared at how Keith told the others to let Lance and him go see the room first, emphasizing on Lance, if he hadn’t been zoned out and he could not for the life of him remember how he got into their bed last night.

With Keith standing behind him, a warm presence keeping him grounded, he just had to open the door. He pressed his hand to the panel and heard the whoosh but before he even registered the door opening, Liliana’s room flashed before his eyes.

His eyes widen in momentary shock as he sees only what he expects to see. That split millisecond felt like days to him as panic set in. He took one shaky breath as that world, the one where Liliana would smile at him in the morning only to later have that smile be stained with blood, falls away.

The room in front of him though, looked nothing like that. It was relatively clean and had an oddly inviting feeling to it. He was aware Shiro was a very modest person. The few times Lance had ever caught a glimpse at the man’s room he could remember thinking it was quite quaint.

When he stepped in the room it looked exactly as he remembered for the most part. The room was dimly lit by the orange lights lining the walls, the bed was up against the left wall with a desk by the door, and the dresser on the right. The room was a mix of ominous and serene.

That’s where the difference was though. One empty, plain wall was now alive with color.

Flowers sat hanging off the wall by strings. They dangle there and some might even think they were fake. You would think the room would smell bad since the flowers had been inside someone’s body but it didn’t. It just smelled like flowers, wholesome and pure. The air vent that circulated air into the room sometimes causes the flowers to shift in their spots like they were beckoning him to stay awhile, to hear their story and honestly, how could Lance refuse?

 On the farthest side of the wall hung the desert bluebell bushes, some petals fall to the ground unceremoniously as if having Lance’s eyes on them made them shy. The flowers are small and round, they smell both sweet and naturey at the same time. Lance couldn’t see how such cute and peaceful flowers represented him but who was he to complain really. They danced when the vent awoke again and somehow, he swore he heard laughter.

Closest to the door, on the other side of the dresser, was the red wild lilies. Their fragrance overpowered the room and they splashed the wall with color. It was impossible for you not to know these were for Keith. Bold and outspoken on the wall they didn’t dance when they shifted, they stomped, they didn’t laugh, they chanted. They interrupted the room in the most beautiful way, just like the mullet sporting paladin.

 The flowers were spread, covering wall to wall. You could hardly see any bit of the wall that was once there, could be convinced the wall was built from the flowers. All of them meticulously cleaned. When you looked in that room you might as well be mistaken for thinking the person who lived in it just really loved these flowers, loved these flowers so much they had to have a wall full of them.

The star part of it was the dresser though, which held the jars of petals. The dresser might even have put the wall to shame. Mountains of jars, so many petals held that you could probably cover the surface of a small planet with them. Most jars were mixed, both types of petals mixed in the most magical way.

That’s when Lance’s eyes wandered up, he realized that the flowers hanging directly above and framing the dresser were mixed as well. Bundles of bluebells and lilies intertwined.

Lance barely registered his tears. Couldn’t think of anything other than this tsunami falling over him as he unceremoniously plopped onto Shiro’s bed. The tsunami seemed to whisper to him, or maybe it was the flowers, that this…

 _This is what Shiro’s love looks like_. 

Something dawned on him in that moment. Where Liliana loved recklessly, Shiro loved methodically. He spent what he thought were his dying days, cleaning, hanging, and separating these flowers. Decorated his room to reflect his admiration for the two paladins so unworthy of his love. Lance couldn’t breathe. Shiro loved him, loved him more than Lance could even imagine, and Lance failed him. Lance failed his hero.

It took another moment of admiring for Lance to calm down, Keith was still standing in the doorway, giving his boyfriend some space to take this all in.  Keith’s usual impatience gone for just a moment because he knew Lance felt excessively, too much all at once, leaving the boy drowning in a stormy sea of doubts and what-ifs.

After what felt like eternity for him Keith finally entered the room, convinced Lance had come down from his initial shock and would need to talk. Keith knew he wasn’t really equipped for this and wasn’t sure what he was expecting. He walked over to the dresser eyeing the jars and the flowers above until his eyes landed on something peculiar.

There were 2 labelled jars. These jars were the only jars with one kind of flower petal in them. They sat perfectly in the middle of the dresser but were easily lost in the messy array of jars.

“Hey Lance, did you see this?” Keith turned and questioned the blue-eyed boy who was still sitting on the edge of Shiro’s bed eyes looking distant before he snapped out of his trance.

“See what?” Lance forced himself to stand and look at where Keith was pointing.

Lance’s eyes fell on a jar of blue petals. Picking it up he noticed there was a label on it, so obviously written in Shiro’s messy cursive. It took a moment for him to make out the words.

_Desert Bluebells: Humility, Gratitude, Constancy, Everlasting love._

While Lance took a moment to take in that this was indefinitely his flower and this is how the universe and Shiro saw him Keith picked up the other jar.  Hesitant to find out what it said after seeing his blue boy’s reaction, he sighed and tried to make out the writing and blocked out Lance’s sobs for just a moment.

_Red Wild Lilies: Passion, Pride, Confidence, Love._

Keith didn’t know what to think. The poor boy was in shock. Were there tears running down his face? Yes. Could he move a single inch to wipe them away? Absolutely not.

Suddenly, Lance took Keith’s jar and handed Keith his. He wanted to read about the flower that represented one of his lovers. It was hard to read through the tears but he survived.

It took Keith a moment to realize he was supposed to read the label on Lances jar. Once Keith finally made out the words he just cried more. They were idiots. More specifically, he was an idiot. He would never admit this out loud but Lance was right, he shouldn’t have stopped his boyfriend from cornering Shiro about what was wrong. He swears from this day forward to actually consider Lance’s ideas instead of immediately shooting them down. He knew he had a tendency to think he knew better than Lance but it needs to stop.

Not that Lance would ever complain about it. Sure, the Cuban boy complained about a lot of things like when he gets pimples or how the Atlas is technologically advanced enough that it should have heated floors but he never complains about the important things. They all have to pry out of him what was making him upset or what he really wants at the time because he doesn’t want to inconvenience them and Lance refuses to use his words when they count. Ughhh remind him why he fell in love with this hopeless buffoon again?

The words _Everlasting love_ rang through Keith’s mind and he feels the dam of emotions break. He pulls Lance in and holds him as they sink to the floor. Both sobbing. Keith was whispering meaningless words that meant the universe. Little  “I’m sorry’s” and “I love you’s” sprinkled between sobs.

That’s how Pidge and Hunk found them. Crumpled on the floor like paper, wrapped around each other unsure of what to hold tighter the labelled jars or each other.

           Pidge let a selfish thought fill them. It wasn’t their fault really it was just how they were feeling. They felt so lucky not to have known Liliana enough to see the process on her first hand. They didn’t know her enough to notice how she slowly became hollow, how the light left her eyes. They don’t think they could have stood it.

           The thought crossed their mind that this was the perfect disease for lovers because no one could possibly stand seeing their love in so much pain without saying something. Pidge wasn’t even romantically attracted to Shiro and if watching him for the past couple weeks was hell for them imagine what it was like for Lance and Keith.

Hunk was next to them. He wanted to help his friends but he knew no amount of glorified space goo was going to help them through this. He’d be damned if he didn’t try though. So, he knelt down beside them and wrapped the two frail forms up in his arms. “We should get some breakfast in you two, yeah?” Hunk tried.

The two boys only were able to nod weakly in response, their tear stained faces wiping against Hunk’s shirt. In their right minds they would have either refused to leave or thanked him for the support but they couldn’t really think to do either in their current state. They both held on to Hunk as they made their way into the dining area.

They were met with Allura and Coran sitting at the table. They both tried not to grimace at the mess that was the red and blue paladins. Hunk sat the two boys down next to each other. They were still holding the other’s jar of petals and tears continued to solemnly flow down their cheeks.

Hunk left to the kitchen to grab the meal he spent all night perfecting. By that it means he spent all night stress cooking. He swiftly grabs the plates of goo and places them in front of everyone. He goes to sit next to Lance only to register that Pidge was already sitting next the blue-eyed beauty. Hunk gives a small smile to his friend knowing that they care a lot for Lance in their own way. Hunk took a seat next to Keith.

Lance was just barely calmed down when Allura awkwardly asked Pidge how they were doing. She tried really hard to pretend the two were not sobbing at the table for the last minute and a half but alas they were.

Coran seemed more interested in the jars the two were holding so close.

“What do ya have there Lance?” Coran went with the safer option. Acknowledging Keith in this state could get him stabbed. Said paladin was currently hiccupping through his tears, it was quite adorable really.

Lance took a deep breath and talked about how on Earth flowers have meanings and Shiro must have done some digging and found the meanings of the flowers for both of them. He showed Keith’s around but Keith wasn’t letting go of Lance’s jar anytime soon. Lance couldn’t blame him.

After what was a very awkward breakfast Lance said he was going to go sit with Shiro and asked Keith to join him. Keith however, stated he wanted to train at least a little today. They parted ways with a short kiss, both still carrying the others respected jar.

Lance spent what felt like eons alone in front of Shiro’s pod. Pidge had spent maybe 15 minutes with him before they decided he was talking to much for them to focus, Hunk spent 20 minutes with him while he waited for some sort of space cookies to bake and Coran came in to check Shiro’s vitals every once and awhile. So, Lance was primarily left alone. He filled the emptiness with stories he liked when he was younger, secrets he’d never tell anyone, and compliments to the man sleeping in front of him. Lance was kind of relieved honestly, knowing he was now allowed to say what he has always wanted to to Shiro.

Lance will admit, he liked Shiro before he even knew Keith existed. Yes, it was a weird idolization kind of like but it still counted. To this day he remembers hesitating to shake Shiro’s hand because he was scared once he did, he’d wake up in his dorm in the Garrison and his hero would still be dead. Not to mention the internal freak out about how he knew Lance’s name. All in all Lance has had it pretty bad for awhile.

Keith trained until he physically couldn’t anymore. He fell to the ground heaving as he weakly called out to end the training sequence. He laid there a few moments just breathing until his eyes caught sight of the jar he had placed against the wall for safe keeping. He knew where he wanted to be right now. He hurriedly made it to the showers knowing Lance would send him away if he was all sweaty.

After the quickest shower in space history he made his way down the corridors to where the pods were. At some point he started to be able to hear Lance’s voice. Keith let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, happy that Lance wasn’t left alone.

The closer he got the more words he could make out. He was almost to the door when he heard Lance say “And Keith, well Keith’s amazing but of course you knew that already. And he’s just sooo pretty! I’d never say that to his face though. Nah, I choose life. But between you being so hot all the time and Keith being so pretty all the time I feel sort of out numbered.”

Keith held in scoff but he noticed whoever was with Lance didn’t laugh along with the angelic giggles coming from the blue paladin. It could be Pidge, Keith rationalized. Pidge didn’t really listen to Lance usually opting for nodding or saying yeah, every minute or so.

Lance had acquired a blanket from Coran, 2 pillows from Pidge and a warm drink that tasted like disappointing hot chocolate from Hunk. Lance had somehow gotten on the topic of Keith in the middle of his favorite story, The Little Mermaid, and he was not embarrassed at all for gushing about his gorgeous boyfriend to his other gorgeous boyfriend. Lance ponders that thought for a moment.

Shiro never really officially asked them out. Nothing was official. It took Lance less than a millisecond to decide he didn’t care. Shiro wasn’t allowed to not be their boyfriend after this.

Keith didn’t know what he had expected entering the room but Lance’s small frame, back to the door, as close to the pod he could get while still seeing Shiro’s face, alone was not it. Lance was too lost in thought to notice Keith enter.

Blue eyes widen as he startles when Keith puts his jar next to Lance’s. Keith kind of snickers as Lance lets out a sigh. He may have been a pro at filling the silence but this was not how he wanted to spend the rest of the day.

“How was training?” Lance asked as Keith while said paladin laid down, resting his head in Lance’s lap.

“It was good…” there was a pause as Keith tried to figure out how to get the information, he wanted without sounding irritated. “Have you been in here alone all day?” his voice came out gruffier and harsher than he intended.

Nailed it.

Lance chuckles and shakes his head. “No, they’ve all visited me at least once today!”

Keith heard it in the way he said all. He knew someone hadn’t. This may sound ominous but he really hoped it was Allura. Don’t get him wrong he loved the princess to bits but she just really sucked at comforting people. Not that he’s one to talk. Allura and him actually used to have late night conversations of how they wanted to help so bad but ended up making it worse. However, Keith had to be a boyfriend and a leader now. He didn’t have the luxury to not wing it and hope for the best.

Lance started playing with Keith’s hair, running his fingers through it and Keith could feel himself relaxing. He was trying so hard to keep his eyes open. Lance had spent all day alone in this room, no way was he falling asleep on him. Figuratively and literally.

“What were you saying before I came in? I heard my name.”

Lance flushed as he looked away from Keith, his hands never stopping the gentle attack. “I was saying how I thought you needed a haircut.” His voice was soft and the small way hip lips pursed told Keith that he was lying, not that Keith didn’t already know but if he’s honest it’s fun to play with Lance.

“Oh, really” Keith raised his eyebrow playfully. “I could have sworn you called me pretty…” Keith smiled lopsidedly eyes becoming droopier.

“PSHHHH PFFFTTTT no. Nope. Not at all.” Lance matched the color of the red lion but it took him only about 30 seconds to realize Keith was falling asleep with his legs as a pillow. It was too cute for Lance not to smile at.

“You sure I’m not pretty?” Keith asked, eyes finally giving in.

Lance smiled softly above him “Nope”

And Keith knew he was a goner when he heard Lance start singing a lullaby that would put even a ravenous dog to sleep.

_Te amo y más de lo que puedes imaginar_

_Te amo ademas como nunca nadie jamas lo hará_

_En esta canción, va mi corazón_

_Amor mas que amor es el nuestro y te lo vengo a dar_

Lance sang the lullaby from his childhood, still petting Keith’s hair but looking directly at Shiro. This song was somewhat sad and if Shiro knew Spanish he’d probably relate to it a lot.

_Te miro y más... y más y más te quiero mirar_

_Te amo y sabrás puro sentimiento y no hay nada más_

_Y sueño llegar a tu alma tocar_

_Amor mas que amor es el nuestro y te lo vengo a dar_

           Lance stares into Shiro’s face. Pets Keith like he never will be able to again after this moment. He swore on everything that he would not let a single thing harm either of them.

_Ruego a Dios tenerte a mi lado_

_Y entonces poderte abrazar_

_Si no estás aquí algo falta_

_Yo por ti pelearé hasta el final_

Lance doesn’t realize his pets through Keith hair have gotten significantly slower as tears fall down his face. It’s been a day, how is he supposed to last a week with Shiro in there. This is ridiculous he tries to tell himself but to no avail. The tears keep falling.

_Y sueño llegar a tu alma tocar_

_Amor mas que amor es el nuestro y te lo vengo a dar_

Lance sighs as he thanks the lord Keith is a heavy sleeper. He leans down and puts his fore head to Keith’s, which is very uncomfortable might he add.

_Te amo y mas_

That line was supposed to be shouted with glee but Lance could barely manage a whisper. How? How did he get so goddamn lucky?

_Te amo y sabrás como nadie yo te amará_

_En estas canción yo veo quien soy_

_Amor mas que amor es el mío y lo siento_

_Amor mas que amor es el tuyo y presiento_

_Amor mas que amor es el nuestro_

_Si tu me... lo das_

Lance stretches and decides he should join Keith in dreamland. He expertly puts a pillow under Keith’s head. He lays net to him and snuggles up to him.

Next thing he knows Hunk is shaking them telling them they need to eat dinner. Lance yawns and wipes his eyes to notice Keith isn’t next to him. He is however next to Hunk smiling at Lance’s cuteness.

Dinner…was not fun. Don’t get anyone wrong Hunk’s cooking is amazing but the tension without Shiro was…both familiar and unnerving. Lance tried hard to lighten the mood but failed miserably. He was exhausted by the time dinner was over.

Keith was fidgety. Lance could tell something was on his mind as they made their way back to Keith’s room. Which recently became “their” room and Lance’s room was used for all Lance’s extra stuff.

“Hey Keith…you ok?” Lance says as the door opens.

Keith doesn’t know how to breach the subject of him wanting to sleep in Shiro’s room. He knows he sounds like a lost puppy but he just reeeeeaaaallllyyyy wanted to.

“I ugh…how do I say this…uhhh…” Keith looked so panicked it honestly scared Lance. Lance had decided that this was Keith dumping him. Keith didn’t want him anymore and he had to accept that. Lance tried not to let tears well up in his eyes as he answered.

“With words Keith. It’s ok. Say what you need to.” Lance playfully chided through the mental breakdown but instantly regretted it as Keith got that kicked puppy look in his eyes. Lance had only seen that look one other time and it was at Shiro.

“I…IwanttosleepinShiro’sroom” Keith didn’t breathe between words and Lance wasn’t sure he’d heard right.

“You want to sleep in Shiro’s room?” Lance asked with a head tilt. This was not the turn of events he expected but he was grateful nonetheless.

Keith was so red. Like super red. Like he created and owned neon red. He still nodded though. Jeez and they said Lance needed to learn to ask for what he wanted.

“Ok I don’t see why we can’t. Let’s just get changed and brush our teeth in here, alright?”

Keith’s eyes widened. He had expected Lance to be even slightly jealous, like he had been when seeing Shiro and Lance stargaze that night, but Lance was proving to be even more of a better person than he thought. Lance was honestly a better person than any of them gave him credit for.

So, there they were in Shiro’s room. Teeth brushed, pajamas on. All they had to do was flop into his bed which they both agree would be so much more comfortable when their captain was in it too.

They crawled into the bed giggling like children doing something naughty. Which I guess if you consider Shiro wasn’t awake to give them permission they kind of were. The laid down until Lance exclaimed “Ow wtf???”

Under the pillow where Lance’s hand had been trying to go was a notebook. The prongs had kind of stabbed him. Of course, they snooped. The pages were filled with Shiro’s obvious messy cursive. It had a lot of little notes, some about them. Some pages had blood stains they tried to ignore. Then…there they were. Letters, addressed to every single one of them and then some.

They were in for a treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look forward to letter chapters 3 ;)  
> Song is Te amo y Mas from the Book of Life  
> I love you too much is the English version if you're interested
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you liked it. I'll try not to take so long but Xmas is coming!!


	3. Dear Adam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These letter chapters are going to be kind of short because I want each letter to have it's own chapter! Also I want you to know I love AdaShi with my whole heart but it had to be written like this.

The two boys on Shiro’s bed looked at each other in shock. They had not expected the first letter to be to the deceased fiancé of their current boyfriend. The two read the letter vigorously.

_Dear Adam,_

_I never choose the easy path, am I right? Seems like life wants to mock me most of the time. I’m a Captain now but what a foolish Captain I am. I have fallen in love with not one but TWO members of my team(?) (Crew?) I was first their superior, then their leader, now their Captain. It’s been quite the ride. Anyways, I just wanted to write this in case I don’t see you in the afterlife. I’m not sorry for going to Kerberos, I’m not sorry that you thought I died in space, and I’m especially not sorry for falling in love again._

Lance had to pause reading so he could laugh. Keith was also chuckling, in the whole time he knew Shiro he had never seen the man be this sassy.

_We were incredibly toxic and although I can wholeheartedly say it takes two to make a relationship toxic, I am very well aware of my faults. I wanted to assure you I will not make the same mistakes with them as I did with you. I can hear you saying “But Takashi…aren’t you just abandoning them too?” And although I see where you are coming from, I can promise that this is entirely different. We were never together therefore I cannot possibly be abandoning them, not in the way I abandoned you. I’m not leaving them for they never truly had me and I never truly had them. It’d make so much more sense if you could have met them. I think you might vaguely know who Keith is, he was that one emo, edgy kid that I mentored for about a month before Kerberos._

Lance lost his shit at that. Keith was unamused.

So unamused.

“You were the emo, edgy student though. You can’t deny it.” Lance pokes Keith’s cheek while said man pouts.

“Listen just because I cried when they played the g note doesn’t mean I’m emo, it just means I have good music taste.”

Lance just shook his head “Nah, Shakira is where it’s at!”

Keith just sighed at his boyfriends’ antics and turned back to the letter.

_Yeah, I can feel you judging Keith but honestly, he’s a great person. He is fiercely protective of the people he holds dear. So yeah, he’s impulsive and runs into danger head first but he probably sees it as better him then the others. Keith’s had it rough but he always comes out of it, that’s one of the things I admire about him._

Keith snorted at that since that, in all it’s glory, is how he saw Shiro. He looks at Shiro as the man who can’t be beaten by anything. Shiro taught him how to fight, fight for the right things that is.

_I think you probably would love Lance though. Maybe not his lover-boy façade but definitely who he is behind closed doors. Lance takes care of us. There have been numerous occasions I’ve seen him sneaking water pouches into the training room when me and Keith are sparring and I have caught him putting blankets on Pidge when the green paladin falls asleep in the hanger working._

Lance blushed and looked away from Keith’s prying eyes.

“Water pouches, huh…I always just thought the castle and atlas just kinda materialized them…”

“WHAT? No…I ughhh….just keep reading.” Lance, who was redder than a tomato, took the notebook from Keith’s hand. They were almost at the bottom of the page.

_Well anyways, as I stated before I am only writing this letter to assure you, I will not make the same mistakes again. I know I am bound to make mistakes if I let them too close so I will not be solving this problem. It’s kind of funny…I feel like I can solve everyone’s problems but my own._

_That is all. I sincerely hope you can forgive me for my past mistakes._

_Sincerely,_

_Takashi Shirogane_

Both boys just looked at each other. They knew this letter was more of a practice letter for Shiro, or so it seemed that way. They also knew the next letter was Keith’s since they had flipped through the pages. To say he was nervous was an understatement. Lance insisted they slept on the Adam one though saying Keith can read his in the morning. Keith can’t bother to fight, too tired and much, much too nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only letter chapter where I interrupt the letter. I really didn't like writing it like that but because Adam wasn't the one reading it I felt it fit the situation better. Also, I am almost done the next 2 chapters so it shouldn't take long at all. On another note I'm trying to get BTS tickets so wish me luck, also why did every kpop artist decide to come to america at the same time???


	4. Dear Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Keith's letter next. Is he ready? Nope. Is he an emotional mess? Absolutely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna remind everyone Keith is hard for me to write so I just hope I did this justice :)

The next morning Keith was restless, Lance tried to be comforting but to no avail. Nothing the blue-eyed boy said could calm the fiery nerves of his partner.

           Keith decided to bite the bullet. Knew he needed to bite the bullet or that letter would never be read. He explained to a half-asleep Lance that he wanted to read the letter alone, alone would be better since he can’t imagine how vulnerable he’ll be while reading it. How upset would he be if he snapped at Lance while Lance only tried to help. He ended on the fact that he’d be in the bathroom reading the letter if Lance needed him for anything.

           Lance grabbed Keith’s hand before he left the beside. “I always need you Keith, I think this time it’s more about you needing me. I’m not going anywhere so come get me when you’re ready.” Lance tried so hard to know the right words to say and based on Keith’s reaction he thinks he did an ok job.

           Keith smiled a small smile, just the hint of a blush adorning his cheeks. He kissed the already fast asleep again Lance’s forehead and for a solid 3 seconds he forgot about what he was about to do, forgot what he was about to read. Then he grabbed the notebook from the nightstand, tied his hair back, and put on the bravest face as he went into the bathroom.

           He shut the door, locked it and then looked in the mirror. In his fingerless gloves, a red and gray oversized hoodie and a pair of Shiro’s boxers he tried to look fierce, tried to lie to himself that he was able to do this. But the mirror never lied.

  He sighed. Of course he wasn’t fierce, he was scared and of course he wasn’t ready, not one bit.

 

_Dear Keith,_

_I know you must be very confused. I just hope someone has been able to explain this situation to you. By the time you are reading this letter I am most likely gone and you most likely know the Red Wild Lilies are for you. I know you must be upset, probably at a lot of things. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were even a bit disgusted at the fact your mentor and brother figure harbored more in-depth feelings towards you._

_In all honesty though, how could I not? How could I not think you were everything right with this universe when you so clearly are. You who looks danger and fear in the eye and laughs. You who so awkwardly wants to care for his teammates. You who will always have our backs, even when we are wrong or being stupid._

_You once told me that no matter what I will always be the leader. At that time, I just smiled not really knowing what to say. You might think it was because I was flattered, and I was, but how could you not have noticed that all this time I was following you. You, and the team, you were all leading me._

_I can tell you’re questioning why I didn’t tell you, since they probably made it seem like the magical cure but it wouldn’t have been, I assure you. Without you reciprocating my feelings I would have disintegrated faster._

_You can be angry, I can’t stop nor blame you. I do ask though that you look after Lance. He will probably go mom mode and try to take care of everyone else or he’ll lock himself up and spend too much time in his head. Make sure either way he is taking care of himself._

_I know how hard this must be for you but you are a wonderful leader and a wonderful boyfriend. Don’t you even think to blame yourself for any of this. There was no way you could know because I didn’t want you to know. I am just happy I got to see you so happy. Know I never really want this letter to end but if I keep writing I’ll run out of space for everyone else’s letters._

_All in all, know I am not abandoning you. Know that I love you with all my being and then some Keith. Curse me and whatever god you can find in this life if you want but never forget how loved you truly are! Never doubt I’m on the other side, routing for you. You are going to go and do great things, know I’m watching you do them. Know I’m already proud._

_Love from the afterlife and back,_

_Takashi Shirogane_

 

Keith? In the Bathroom? Crying? More likely than you think.

He sunk to the ground, back resting on the door. He was in the fetal position and somehow he was freezing. He was freezing and he was pissed. He didn’t do vulnerability, it really wasn’t his thing. His thing was hiding his emotions under a cold exterior because he doesn’t know how to deal with them. How dare Shiro make him feel like this! He was the equivalent of a wet cat right now.

Legs weak, nose running, eyes leaking all he could think was ‘that fucking idiot! “yOu’Re PrObAbLy DiSgUsTeD i LiKe yOu” don’t fucking tell me how I feel asshole! I get to decide whether or not you liking me is disgusting, which news flash it isn't!'

'Ughhh don't even mention “i’M nOt AbAnDoNiNg YoU” really Shiro? Really? Then what were you doing, you cheesy old sap? Are you just stepping out of life for a minute? Just being like yeet be back in a sec? Like oh just going out for a smoke like some dead-beat dad who never comes back? Like c’mon Shiro you’re so fucking stupid!'

'Oh ho ho and the cherry on top! “tHeRe WaS nO wAy YoU cOuLd KnOw”, yeah maybe fucking not but Lance sure as hell knew what was up.’ That thought hurt specifically. Lance isn’t stupid. He knew what Hanahaki was from personal experience so…maybe Lance saw the signs and was just praying to be wrong.

Keith sighed at the thought of his blue-eyed beauty upset. He wasn’t really one to admit to wanting physical affection but currently he wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in Lance’s arms. He just hoped not too many questions were asked. He loved him so much but he knows this it too personal for even boyfriends to share. It’s not secret keeping, not really. Lance has his own letter and Keith is aware Lance will probably think the same need to keep it close after reading it. Who wouldn’t? These were what Shiro though his last words would be to them. It’s basically Shiro’s suicide notes.

Keith had to shake that thought away. Shiro is currently in the pod. Safe from harms way and healing from what the flowers had done to him. Shiro is here and Shiro is safe.

It took way too much effort to stand up, like way too much. He couldn’t really see through the blur of his tears and his legs were still wobbly from giving out. He had to use the door to help him crawl up out of the fetal position he was in earlier. He opened the bathroom door recklessly despite it being an automatic door but somehow Lance was still asleep when he entered the room.

 Keith’s feet dragging and soft sniffles were enough to have Lance’s ocean eyes fluttering open. What faced him was Keith, eyes leaking and just all around looking like a kicked puppy. His cheeks were raw and red from the tears and his nose could have put Rudolph to shame. His legs shook as if he was carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders, ironic since as the black paladin he kind of was.

Lance opened his arms to his boyfriend haphazardly. His hair a mess and the artificial light making his skin glow. Keith just couldn’t help but compare him to an angel, a guardian angel. Maybe his guardian angel, even if just for the moment. And who was he to say no to his angel? So, he curls up in Lance’s arms, safe from harm if only just for a moment. He just cried as Lance’s honey voice hummed to him softly a melody he didn’t recognize and his boyfriend’s piano fingers drew circles and stars on his back.

After Keith had calmed down a bit, which took a while, Lance stopped his murmuring and ministrations. There was a moment of pensive silence on Lance’s part as he tries to think of what to say, what could he say to this broken man he loved so much? He quietly sighed as he said something that he wasn’t sure would be the right thing but that’s how life works he supposes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Keith just shook his head and hid his head in Lance’s bony shoulder. Keith knew Shiro had deliberately said to not let Lance do this. Not let him just mom, but he wanted to be selfish right now. Besides he knew once Lance read his note they’d switch, except Keith knew he’d be no where as good at comforting as Lance is.

“Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m going to be right here, ok? How about for now we just get some more sleep?”

Keith couldn’t fight that as he was already drifting. The last thought in his head before he was swept away into the sweet abyss of sleep was ‘I’m gonna punch that asshole the second the pod opens!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope some of you caught some of the references I was making to other shows. Lance's, which is up next, will have some too!


	5. Dear Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance loves his boyfriends. He loves Keith and Shiro equally ok? But right now...Keith is in the lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ho ho 2 posts in one day? Me?

Keith was still asleep nestled up in Lance’s arms. It’s been a good 3 hours since Keith passed out, Lance had stayed awake. He was thinking about his note, about if he should just give Keith the day to process or just rip it off like a band-aid and trust his boyfriend to be there to catch him when he falls.

Lance sighs knowing waiting would be more torture than it’s worth for him. He knew waiting would make him restless and snappy and just not pleasant to be around. So, he went for option two.

 He wriggled out of the bed so carefully, assuring Keith wouldn’t wake up. Lance picked the notebook up, spared one last look at his boyfriend and sighed. He then straightens out and walks into bathroom the same way a soldier would walk into war. Unprepared, scared of the unknown, and an all-around mess.

He sighed and sat on the toilet seat, legs shaking already. Band-aid, remember? Let’s get this over with.

_Dear Lance,_

_There are a lot of things I want to say but alas this letter can only be so long. Do you remember that time we shared on the observation deck? That was just when the Hanahaki was starting._

_You distracted me so easily. One thing you said in the midst of our conversation will always stick with me, probably even to my next life and any other lives after that. You said you were scared and asked if I was scared too. Scared of fighting or scared of dying, I couldn’t tell. I responded yes. Ironically you asked that less than an hour after I decided to die._

_When I answered though, you looked at me in such surprise. I remember how pretty I though it looked on you. Then you’re look turned pensive, you looked so serious I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what you were thinking. When you broke into a smile and stared into my soul and said “Well, just say we’re going to be ok because everything you say is right.” I broke._

_So, Lance, this is me telling you everything is going to be ok. By now you probably know those Desert Bluebells are for you. You must be so shocked and I’m so sorry. Maybe you’re even a bit distressed by that fact seeing how you are in a relationship with Keith and you are one of the most faithful people I know._

_You’re smart and so incredibly caring so you probably knew about this illness before. Poor Keith, he must be so confused. Take care of him Lance, not that I doubt you will. I really don’t know how he’ll take this news, he may think I’m abandoning him. Please assure him that that isn’t the case._

_Before you ask, the reason I didn’t tell you was because it wouldn’t have changed anything. I know you didn’t love me and don’t you dare say sorry for it. I wish you nothing but happiness Lance, because you deserve it wholeheartedly._

_I need you to not ignore your own feelings. I know you’re sad. I can feel your disbelief, I can hear the thoughts of “Why me?” coming from your mind. I have a real question for you though. Why not you? Lance McClain, super paladin, team’s sharpshooter and slayer of Galra centuries! Not to mentions universes best teammate!_

_Listen I will never finish everyone else’s letters if I list all the reasons you’re perfect, but remember everything I say is right and I say you’re perfect. I also say don’t worry. I’m in a better place now, I’m watching you be great from where I am now. So please don’t spend too long mourning me._

_I love you always,_

_Takashi Shirogane_

Lance somehow travelled to the floor. He wasn’t crying surprisingly and for the first time in a while he is angry at something other than himself. Well, he is angry at himself too but that’s not important. He was naïve the first week of Shiro’s hanahaki. He sat right next to him and could not have guessed that he was most likely causing that man to suffocate. He almost told him that night…told him that he loved him. Almost, the saddest word in the English language. Almost, because it was 4 am and they were on a high and Shiro had never been more beautiful and they hadn’t been alone together in eons. Almost, because he had the audacity to even entertain the thought that that man next to him, who was unknowingly to his idiotic self, suffocating on flowers for him and willing to die for him, didn’t love him back.

‘You are the most faithful person I know’ oh honey, oh honey if only he knew. Lance laughed through the tears at that thought. He had loved Shiro long before he loved Keith and while it was the highest honor that his captain though that of him he didn’t take into account that he was probably far more loyal to Shiro than he could he ever be to Keith. Hell, Keith was probably more aware of that fact than anyone. He loved them both differently. He was in love with Keith but he absolutely adored Shiro.

It was a mistake on Lance’s part to tell Shiro he was always right because Lance didn’t believe he was right about any of this. Not one bit. How could Shiro be so utterly ridiculous? ‘Why not you?’ c’mon Shiro what does that even mean? He can’t possibly think it’s that simple.

Lance knew for a fact it would never be that simple. Because Lance, who is apparently smart and kind and perfect, knew the answer to that question ‘why not you?’ is ‘because you never let me know it could be me.’

The tears were real, so real, and once they started, they didn’t stop. Lance had to move the notebook away so he didn’t stain the pages. He wasn’t aware if he was sobbing loudly or if he was crying quietly.

Keith knew the answer though. He had awoken to find the notebook and Lance missing in action and the bathroom door shut. He mentally prepared himself for having to comfort his lover. It was eerily quiet the first few minutes he was awake. All of a sudden, he heard soft sobs that quickly turned into loud hiccupping.

Keith debated for a minute if he should go into the bathroom or give Lance his privacy. He knows he should probably let Lance come to him but let’s face it, it’s hard to hear someone you love so distraught.

He got up out of bed and softly knocked on the bathroom door. He heard shuffling and suddenly Lance had swung the door open, despite the fact the door has an automatic open option.

Lance was wobbly and very obviously trying to stop his tears. Keith couldn’t help but hold him. He wrapped his arms around the shrinking frame of his boyfriend. They sank to the floor. Keith had his legs and arms cradling Lance. He ignored the urge to look at the notebook that was placed only a few feet away. What that page said was only for Lance to know.

In that moment Keith recalled a song his dad would sing for him when he was restless, he also recalled how Lance always asked him to sing for him but he was too shy. He sighed, guess now is a better time than any.

_Goodnight my angel, it’s time to close your eyes._

_And save these questions for another day._

_I think I know what you’ve been asking me,_

_I think you know what I’ve been trying to say._

Lance was shocked into stillness. Keith Kogane, motherfucking Keith Kogane, best boyfriend in the universe was singing to him. Singing to him and petting his hair so tenderly. Singing to him and holding him as if he were made of glass. Singing to him a song that his mama used to sing to him but of course Keith didn’t know that last part. Lance’s tears slowed but they were falling for a different reason now.

_I promised I would never leave you,_

_And you should always know,_

_Wherever you may go,_

_No matter where you are,_

_I will never be far away._

           Keith focused on not crying too. Had to focus on keeping his voice smooth and calming so Lance would be ok. He decided that this song may have been a bad choice because all he could think about was this must have been a song in Shiro’s perspective.

_Goodnight my angel now it’s time to sleep._

_And still so many things I want to say._

_Remember all the songs you sang for me,_

_When we went sailing on an emerald bay._

_And like a boat out on the ocean,_

_I’m rocking you to sleep._

_The waters dark and deep,_

_Inside this ancient heart,_

_You’ll always be a part of me._

Lance was crying because Keith’s voice was the reason flowers opened up in the spring. Keith’s voice was the reason stars continued shining. Keith’s voice held more emotion than Lance has ever heard in it. Lance could probably cut Keith’s voice with a knife from how thick it was from emotion.

_Goodnight my angel now it’s time to dream,_

_Dream of how wonderful your life will be._

_Someday your child may cry,_

_And if you sing this lullaby,_

_Then in your heart there will always be a part of me._

           There was nothing that could be done. Lance was undeniably crying, half because Shiro was just so stupid and half because Keith was just so precious. And Keith was somehow so in love with those two buffoons, one who is dumb enough to think they don’t love him and the other who cries at everything, which is kinda comforting since he knows no matter what he did Lance would cry anyways.

_Someday we’ll all be gone but lullabies go on and on._

_They never die_

_That’s how you and I will be._

Keith was pretty sure he was failing at not crying as he swayed Lance in his arms. Lance, who could have probably done this much better. Lance, who despite that fact still swears he’ll love Keith until the end of time. And Keith, well Keith could only sing a sad, depressing, fitting song to try and soothe his blue boys’ heart which was always in turmoil somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok as I said last chapter many refrences. The song is Lullaby(Goodnight My Angel) by Billy Joel. I felt it necessary to use the song to rip your hearts out I'm not sorry.


	6. Pidge and Hunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Hunk read their letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Sorry this took so long to get out, motivation was lost for awhile. I decided to put Hunk and Pidge's letters together in one chapter to move this along!

They slept hard that night cycle. Crying every 2 hours or so was apparently exhausting. Lance didn’t want to get up. Keith was too warm and Shiro’s bed was too comfy but they had a mission. No not a space mission, well I guess every mission they have is a space mission since they are in space?

Anyways, Lance peeked on the next page to see Pidge’s letter was next and the two boyfriends with raw emotions were trying to figure out how to tell Pidge. Keith wanted to just, ya know…tell them because being direct was always best. Lance on the other hand wanted to leave the notebook for Pidge to find and just let them have it until she was ready to pass it onto Hunk who was next.

“She won’t know what to do when she’s done Lance!” Keith yelled and my gosh this was the Voltron chant all over again, it doesn’t have to be complicated.

Lance scoffed and rolled his eyes “The smartest person on team Voltron won’t know to give the notebook to Hunk!? Wow…just wow Keith. That’s some faith you have in them.”

“I agree they are super book smart but what Pidge has in school knowledge they lack in emotional intelligence!” Keith practically screamed because how was this so hard to see?

“Wow that is RICH coming from you mullet man…” Lance was actually just shocked; he was refraining from making the pot-kettle joke. Pidge has been his friend longer than they have been Keith’s. Lance likes to believe he knows Pidge well and that people could tell he knows them well.

Keith sighs in resignation. He didn’t want to fight about this. “Fine we can do it your way but if it fails don’t blame me.”

Lance smiled, knowing he was going to do his way with or without Keith’s support but things were always better when he had the approval of his boyfriend.

“Thanks babe” Lance kissed Keith’s cheek before running out of the room to find Pidge.

You’d think when looking for a person on a giant sentient space ship you’d check their room first but Lance knew better than that. He knew his non binary pal would be working on their space projects in the makeshift work space they made by the lions in the hanger. So that’s where he went.

He was (not) surprised to see Pidge asleep at their desk. They had been working on some project they swore was super important but Lance worried a lot for his friend’s health.

‘Hmm…wonder what I should do now…’ Lance pondered, not expecting them to be asleep. He decided he might as well just leave it on the desk next to their head so they’ll see it when they wake up.

It’s a few hours later and Pidge is awake. They sit up and stretch but while doing so they find a notebook place precariously on their desk. They couldn’t help wondering who on the castle ship was so old-fashioned as to use a notebook.

Peaking around in their workspace making sure they were indeed alone they decided to snoop into said notebook. Whoever visited while they were asleep and left it should know who Pidge was by now.

There was a page that was dog eared and Pidge grew up reading enough to know just how wronged this poor notebook had been so they turned to that page first and righted the wrongdoing. Only then did their hazel eyes widen as they found a note addressed to themselves. It took them 2.3 seconds to realize what this notebook was and who wrote that note. They quickly shut the notebook but left a thumb in the page. They didn’t need to read this letter because Shiro was safe and sound in a healing pod. This was a total breach of privacy in their opinion…but…curiosity has always been one of their downfalls.

Slowly opening to the page they stuck their thumb in they began reading their letter.

_Dear Pidge,_

_First, I would like to thank you for all you did to try and help me, although I think we both knew it would be futile. I want to say how thankful I am that you did not tell on me or try to pry who I had feelings for out of me. If you are somehow unaware my hanahaki was caused by Lance and Keith. I’m an overachiever I know, but they are both such wonderful people, how could I choose?_

_I also would like to say how proud I am and how lucky I have been to know you and your family. Your father was the reason I could go on the Kerberos mission, and despite how badly it turned out I owe him nonetheless. I spent much of my time on the castle hoping I could manage to at least keep you safe as repayment if I ever saw Sam again._

_Speaking of which, I wish it had been me and not the clone when you finally found Sam and Matt. I can only imagine how excited you must have been at the time._

_I would like to apologize wholeheartedly for any inconvenience or worry I have caused you over the years. I know you would tell me that your family getting captured was not my fault but I do not think it would stop the “what ifs” that run rampant in my mind._

_I must say Pidge, I am so proud of you and how far you have come. I have come to view you not only as a teammate but as family. As such, I wish you nothing but the best in life. I have no doubt in my mind that you will help form a magnificent universe._

_Your brother,_

_Takashi Shirogane_

Crying and Pidge aren’t synonymous words usually but after a letter like that who could blame them?

They cried for a solid 3 minutes, a record time for Pidge emotions in Lance’s book, and then looked at their desk determined. Just because Shiro was safe and (presumably) happy did not mean they were going to give up searching for a better cure. One that didn’t require someone else’s affections. One that didn’t mean forgetting the person. Because honestly, even if they DIDN’T love Liliana, and who wouldn’t, Lily didn’t deserve to die because someone else didn’t see her value. No one did. They wanted to make sure no one ever had to. And if they didn’t remember the person how were they supposed to flaunt how happy they are without the other persons validation. Pidge didn’t see the point of a cure like that.

However, after that little mind tangent, they flipped to the next page to see Hunk’s letter. They were able to assume Hunk has not read his letter because before theirs’s was Lance’s and only Lance would just leave it here for them to find.

Sighing, they guess they’d have to find Hunk and give it to him.

Hunk was undoubtedly in the kitchen. So that’s where Pidge went and that was where Hunk was found. Baking something that looked kind of like scones, he had just put them in the oven when Pidge made their presence known.

“Oh, hey buddy! What’s up?” Hunk said as he noticed Pidge’s presence.

“Uhmm…I’ve got something for you…just this thing…” Pidge was trying to figure out what words were again as she handed Hunk the notebook opened to the page with his letter.

“Oh! Oh…” Hunk’s voice changed when he realized what it was.

“Yeah so I’m gonna go…so you can read that…with privacy…and yeah…”

“Right, thanks Pidge”

“No prob Bob”

Hunk sighed as they exited the room and he was alone. He leaned against the counter in hopes that that would help steady his nerves but it did nothing.

Hunk knew he could do this but even looking at the page hurt. He really didn’t see why Shiro wrote him a letter since they weren’t that close.

Guess there’s only one way to find out…

_Dear Hunk,_

_First and foremost, I want to thank you for all you have done for Lance as well as for this team. It may have seemed like I was unaware of you as a whole but well, war is a busy place._

_Lance holds you in such high regard and if you somehow were unaware, I hold Lance in a very special place in my heart. I always imagined if I was to ever to try to confess properly that I would have asked your blessing and most likely advice in how to do so, as well as Coran…well more Coran’s blessing than advice. I’m sure he’d make me wear some silly bucket as a hat or something._

_As for the question I’m sure you’re asking, ‘why did you not just come ask me about confessing?’ well if I’m honest you intimidated me. I, being in love with both Keith and Lance, didn’t know what to do. I thought for certain if I went to you that you would see it as your best friend was not my ‘first choice’, when in reality it was nothing like that because in reality, I had no first choice. However, I thought you’d think Lance deserved better and I actually somewhat agreed._

_Anyways, as for what you did for the team, I want to thank you for always standing up for what you felt was right, even if it went against the other team members opinions. You often kept us in line and your cooking was remarkable too. You were the first to refer to us as a family and I cannot be more grateful for that._

_So, I’m sorry I have most likely made your best friend very sad and I apologize for leaving a mess in my wake. However, there is not a single doubt that I have that you will be able to piece the team back together after this._

_I wish you nothing but good fortune and hope you achieve everything you wish too and more._

_Your Friend,_

_Takashi Shirogane_

 

Hunk was taken aback. Shiro was intimidated by…him?

Hunk could see why as he was incredibly loyal to his friends and fierce when it came to their wellbeing but…honestly, he just wanted Lance to be happy. And if Lance was happy in a poly relationship with Keith and Shiro based on mutual feelings then who was Hunk to say no.

Hunk has realized something as he aged through this war. So many more things would be solved if people would just talk to each other. It’s part of the reason he loves cooking. It brings people together so discussions can finally be had.

And yeah, he can admit Shiro was kind of jerky to leave everything in such disarray but he couldn’t blame the guy. Shiro had lost a lot in the war, he probably feared Keith and Lance would become part of that list. Hunk sighed as his timer for his scones went off. He took them out of the oven and set them to cool off…all in a day’s work he supposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'll try to be better at updating!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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